My New Truth about Motherhood

Today I found out I am pregnant again. My body will once again create life. Am I excited? Yes! We are over the moon and thankful to be so blessed. We call everyone and tell the good news. The joy for me is somewhat short lived for as I look at myself in the mirror that night a fear creeps into my thoughts. I look at myself and wonder what will this baby do to my body? Will I bounce back as quickly as I did with my first?

This worry followed me my entire pregnancy as I grew bigger and bigger. I did think of the miracle growing inside me and that I was literally creating a new life. I knew it was a wondrous thing but my worries of what would happen to my body continued.

The day came that our Lil boy would be born. I weighed 152 pounds, my stomach had stretched outwards to its limits, and my hips had widened significantly. I had stretch marks and my belly button was strangely shaped. I labored for 8 hours and into the world he came weighing 8lbs and 9oz, Screaming and full of life. I did that, I created him. I held him close and gave him the nourishment he needed. I was so happy.

The next few days I spent in comfy jammies and recovered comfortably. All the while I continued to measure my weight loss and study my stomach wondering if the stretch marks would fade or if my belly button would ever look normal again. All the while I feared my body would look different.

I worried my husband may not find me as attractive as he once did. That my breasts would fill to nourish and help our baby grow and then deflate to become something he would no longer desire. That my stomach would stay soft and that my stretch marks would never fade. I feared that my body would never again be what society considered perfect.

And then I read this blog someone shared on my facebook page.
http://weseekjoy.blogspot.com/2013/12/babies-ruin-bodies.html

A blog that was so inspirational it made me stop and realize what I was doing to myself. She spoke of societies expectations and that pregnancy was now not just about a new life but about the "ruin" of a woman's body. This woman changed how I saw everything. My body was not ruined my body was changed yes, but for the better.

 I do not know when we started seeing our bodies in this skewed way after pregnancy but I want it to stop. I want women to see themselves as they should! We are amazing, we are the reason man kind survives. Our bodies are made to change the world and instead of embracing the glorious changes pregnancy brings we try to hide them. we diet and use creams and lotions to no avail. And for what to prove that our beautiful children never grew there? I don't want to erase that memory any longer. I embrace my new body with a new found confidence. When I look in the mirror now I don't see ruin, I see proof of my amazing abilities.

 I am healthy, I am strong, and I am a mother. 

I'm Back

I have decided that I miss blogging. I logged on to blogger for the first time today in almost two years. I'm not even sure I can put into words the amazing things that have occurred to me over my blogger absence. But I will try to sum it up. Ok, ready?

In my most recent post I was finally married to my country boy romeo and we were expecting our first little bundle of joy. So fast forward to today.

We now have two beautiful boys who are full of life and keep me on my toes. Easton is 23 months and Lucas is 3 months. I am a sometimes dysfunctional stay at home mom. My husband works his hiney off for a construction company in the city and I have put off school for the time being. I am making a little money with my lifetime hobby as a  natural lighting photographer.

We live on a farm in a cozy little stone cottage that sits snugly beside a pond. My life is not glamorous but it is full of fun and excitement. Little giggles and running baby feet fill my mornings and my night can often include screaming and sleep fighting. To sum it up this blog will still include my occasional short stories but for the most part will be about my life as a mom. Who would have guessed? Here's a few pictures of my new life.

My Small Town Fairy Tale

 My wedding day was one of the most magical and memorable days of my life. I know most girls dream of that perfect day and I have to brag and say I had that. God truly shined his love down on us that day. I thought I would share some of the pictures. Hope y'all enjoy! :)

Wood Slats and Tears

Staring up at the wooden slats underneath her bed, she listens intently to the sounds coming from outside the bedroom. Did she hear footfalls in the kitchen? Her palms are all sweaty and she can feel her t-shirt sticking to her back. "Please, please don't come in here tonight," she prays, but he usually does. Creeping in like some lion on the prowl to consume its next prey. That's what she was, his prey, something he could use and manipulate. If only I were stronger, she thought, then I could stand up and fight like men do.

She reached for her diary to write down her thoughts when the door to the bedroom opens. She freezes, tucks her legs up praying she was invisible under the bed in the darkness. A sickening feeling pools in her stomach and she fears she will vomit thinking of what will happen if he finds her. He's drunk and smells terrible. He comes closer to her bed and she can hear him touching the blankets trying to find her. Her heart is beating so fast she feared he would hear. Not breathing or moving a muscle she clings to her knees and closes her eyes as the man moves about the room, searching.

He was searching to destroy her, all of her. What could she do? She had to think. Think of something to use to fight him off when he found her. It was hopeless. She always fought but he would win.

He found her then, like he always does, used her up and left her feeling empty.Empty, a big zero, someone no one cared about.

Wisdom Teeth

So I had been told for months that I needed to consider getting my wisdom teeth taken out. My aunt is a dental hygienist and said since they were impacted I needed to get them out asap to avoid any future discomfort.

OK, I thought doesn't sound to bad from how she described it and other friends had told me how easy their surgery went. My fiance recommended a dentist he had gone to and I set up an appointment. To make this story short its been five days since the removal of all four of my wisdom teeth and I just left the dentist office where they had to restitch and pack my bottom right socket. I don't know if any of you all have heard of a dry socket but it's the most painful thing I have experienced so far in my 21 years of life. A dry socket occurs because the blood clot normally expected to occupy the extraction site and initiate its healing has instead been lost. The net result is that the healing of the socket becomes delayed.

I haven't slept good since the surgery. I can't eat anything solid which has caused me to lose weight. I am utterly miserable. Needless to say I really wish I hadn't done this. I cannot wait for the pain to stop so I can eat normal foods again. Especially pizza :)

The Start of Something Great

My fiance and I finally had the time to get some engagement pictures done. We picked the property where we will soon live and eventually build our house and new lives together. Here is a peek at a few.

  

http://www.marchellemosleyphotography.com/ 

 

A Single Moment

I suppose I need to give some updates as to what has been going on since my last blog. In my last blog I wrote about my boyfriend leaving me in Tennessee. I have to admit staying 400 miles away from each other was not ideal. That being said, I now live back in Indiana and am currently planning my wedding. Yes! The love of my life proposed on a sunny Thursday afternoon. Sometimes I find myself reliving that moment. It was a moment every girl dreams of.

I had been in class all morning and hating it. He had arrived late the night before and was at my house laying tile. I couldn't wait for class to end so I could be with him. I drive like crazy to get home. When I pull into the driveway I get out of the car (trying to act nochalant in case he's watching). I walk into the house and expect to see him in the kitchen. He's not there? I call out, "Hey babe, Where are you?" I hear from the back of the house, "In here." I honestly thought he was in the bathroom doing his business if you catch my drift. I walk through the living room and turn the corner that leads to the bedroom. My heart stops. I can't breath. There he is, the man who makes my life have purpose down on one knee, with a box opened in his palm. He's smiling and shaking. I hear the words although they sound faint to my ears, "Will you marry me?" I look at him and say dumbly, "Are you joking?" He laughs nervously and says sweetly, "No i'm not, will you marry me?" Tears fill my eyes and my heart starts to race. I say yes and drop to my knees as he pulls me to him. He starts to cry and he puts the ring on my hand. It's so perfect. That moment was perfect.