Monday, January 6, 2014

My New Truth about Motherhood

Today I found out I am pregnant again. My body will once again create life. Am I excited? Yes! We are over the moon and thankful to be so blessed. We call everyone and tell the good news. The joy for me is somewhat short lived for as I look at myself in the mirror that night a fear creeps into my thoughts. I look at myself and wonder what will this baby do to my body? Will I bounce back as quickly as I did with my first?

This worry followed me my entire pregnancy as I grew bigger and bigger. I did think of the miracle growing inside me and that I was literally creating a new life. I knew it was a wondrous thing but my worries of what would happen to my body continued.

The day came that our Lil boy would be born. I weighed 152 pounds, my stomach had stretched outwards to its limits, and my hips had widened significantly. I had stretch marks and my belly button was strangely shaped. I labored for 8 hours and into the world he came weighing 8lbs and 9oz, Screaming and full of life. I did that, I created him. I held him close and gave him the nourishment he needed. I was so happy.

The next few days I spent in comfy jammies and recovered comfortably. All the while I continued to measure my weight loss and study my stomach wondering if the stretch marks would fade or if my belly button would ever look normal again. All the while I feared my body would look different.
I worried my husband may not find me as attractive as he once did. That my breasts would fill to nourish and help our baby grow and then deflate to become something he would no longer desire. That my stomach would stay soft and that my stretch marks would never fade. I feared that my body would never again be what society considered perfect.

And then I read this blog someone shared on my facebook page.

A blog that was so inspirational it made me stop and realize what I was doing to myself. She spoke of societies expectations and that pregnancy was now not just about a new life but about the "ruin" of a woman's body. This woman changed how I saw everything. My body was not ruined my body was changed yes, but for the better.

 I do not know when we started seeing our bodies in this skewed way after pregnancy but I want it to stop. I want women to see themselves as they should! We are amazing, we are the reason man kind survives. Our bodies are made to change the world and instead of embracing the glorious changes pregnancy brings we try to hide them. we diet and use creams and lotions to no avail. And for what to prove that our beautiful children never grew there? I don't want to erase that memory any longer. I embrace my new body with a new found confidence. When I look in the mirror now I don't see ruin, I see proof of my amazing abilities.

 I am healthy, I am strong, and I am a mother. 

I'm Back

I have decided that I miss blogging. I logged on to blogger for the first time today in almost two years. I'm not even sure I can put into words the amazing things that have occurred to me over my blogger absence. But I will try to sum it up. Ok, ready?

In my most recent post I was finally married to my country boy romeo and we were expecting our first little bundle of joy. So fast forward to today.

We now have two beautiful boys who are full of life and keep me on my toes. Easton is 23 months and Lucas is 3 months. I am a sometimes dysfunctional stay at home mom. My husband works his hiney off for a construction company in the city and I have put off school for the time being. I am making a little money with my lifetime hobby as a  natural lighting photographer.
We live on a farm in a cozy little stone cottage that sits snugly beside a pond. My life is not glamorous but it is full of fun and excitement. Little giggles and running baby feet fill my mornings and my night can often include screaming and sleep fighting. To sum it up this blog will still include my occasional short stories but for the most part will be about my life as a mom. Who would have guessed? Here's a few pictures of my new life.