Tuesday, April 13, 2010

A Disappointed Heart

It's a beautiful spring day, with a cool breeze blowing through my hair. I ask you to take me somewhere thinking we could be alone for awhile. You comply and we decide to go for a walk. As we are walking I am starring at your back, willing you to say something, anything. Wishing with all my heart you would turn around and take me into your arms and kiss me silly. But you don't. You continue to ignore my need for your touch. As I walk behind you I search for the mushrooms that you are so diligently looking for, wondering what I did to cause this distance between us. 

You turn and look at me, I freeze feeling your eyes lock with mine. I long to hear something sweet and sincere, words that would make this feeling disappear, but instead I hear, "This is our honey pot, I don't understand their are usually tons here." I feel my want shatter. I try to make myself reason, thinking he's just a man, he does not understand me. How can I be angry at something he does not understand? I kick myself for being just a silly girl believing in true love and romance. You search on ahead of me as I fight this inner battle with myself. Eventually I give up and decide my scheme of getting you alone had fell flat. Then it hit me! What if I ran up to you and screamed at the top of my lungs, "Hey notice me!" I'm sure that would have an effect. Of course it would only make me look like an idiot so I immediately scratch the thought. 

Then I hear your phone ring. You are talking to someone about playing cards tonight. Again I can't help but feel the disappointment creep into my heart. You are going to leave again for the third night. I turn and begin to walk back. I hear you call out to me asking where I am going. I just keep walking, wanting nothing but to be alone until I can mask my disappointment. I push my way through the tree limbs and bushes, angry at myself the whole way. I knew better than to think it would be different this time, but yet I still held on to the hope that I would somehow find what was missing. You follow behind me and I can hear the worry in your voice. I don't know how to make you understand so I decide then and there that I give up. I give up on all these false hopes and dreams. They only lead to disappointment. With this realized, I know it will never be the same.  

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