Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Ravaged by Wolves

Darkness falls too quickly for me now, since I selfishly wish for night to come. Its so mysterious and enticing, I could see myself getting lost in its depth. The recent phenomenon of vampires and wolves has sparked my interest and brought out my darker side, I mean how exciting would it be to live a life that completely revolves around the night.

Night for me used to mean sadness since only then was I left alone with my thoughts. Now its more of a peaceful time, when everything begins to slow down to eventually become nothing but stillness.  I can be alone without any one person butting into my life. What is it about night fall that scares and entices people? Is it because you can't see what's all around you or just the simple fact that we were programmed to believe night is when evil comes alive?

I love the night how serene it feels just to sit and hear silence. It has never frightened me, even as a kid I enjoyed sitting in the barn behind my house  listening to all the different sounds. What if I could be something so dark and terrifying inside that I could only be my true self in moments when my world is dark?

For example a werewolf, who is part human part wolf. The legend of werewolves is that they can only change under the light of a full moon. If I had this secret inside that only could be made true under a full moon, I would feel tormented. In a way that's how I feel at this point in my life. I feel like I am trapped in my own skin. Tormented by what it would mean to show others my true self. What would it mean if I bucked against the morals my family has worked so hard to instill in me? Would I, for instance be thrown to the wolves? An outcast? All these are questions I am asking myself at this point in my life.

All I can do is enjoy the peacefulness of the night when it arrives, where nothing can disturb my dreams. Although I would like to have a reason to feel trapped like werewolves do, I unfortunately am just human. A human that makes mistakes. I just hope I make the right decisions for myself each and every time that sun comes up to wake me from my silent night and force the decisions brought on by the next day.

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